Thursday, February 14, 2013
Another night, watching a movie about love that she had seen a million times before - the most classic of stories about love and loss and redemption - Pride and Prejudice. And then the dog had to go out, or at least she saw a cat or a leaf blowing in the breeze that she must go and investigate.
She wandered around, warm from the wine she had consumed, all on her own, on the Hallmark-holiday that is Valentine's. She fluttered her eyes closed, to the coolness of the breeze that would have chilled her, had it not been for the wine. Then, she looked up and saw the moon, a sliver, a thumbnail that hung heavy. The part of it that was illuminated was on the bottom of the dusty globe, a crescent hung upside-down, like a grin, or a slice of melon turned upwards. She thought, she mused that was all the remaining hope she had of love and life and the idea that things will get better. It represented the waning hope and small idea of finding someone to complete her. It was all the more difficult on a day like today when, no matter how forced and commercial, there were those out there that were devoting a great deal of energy and resources in pleasing another.
She turned her eyes down, away from that moon, that mockery of what she thought she had left in her. Then she looked up again, saw the shadow of the moon that was still there but she could not easily see. The darkness that was blotted out by another, a depth and expanse of space that could have very easily bled into and been confused for the darkness of the sky surrounding and holding it aloft, a darkness speckled with the burning of a thousand stars. She comforted herself that if she were to consider the sliver of light still visible to represent her and her capacity for the hope of the love of another, then she must also take into account the greatness of possibility that was held in the sky, mirroring the shadowed part of the orb that is not detected so easily. She smiled, as her pup pulled her along, taking comfort that she was more than she knew, there were days ahead of her and there was experience that even she could not prepare for or expect. She was not often comfortable with blindness and uncertainty, but took solace in the idea that there is more space, more room for growth and possibility in that which cannot be seen, or felt, or known.